Will you hold the shards of me?
by Katya Katastrophe
Summary: Set post new astonishing x-men, about 4 or 5 months after Kitty saved the planet, she's been found again but the results of everything she's been through isn't the only problems that the x-men are having.. As they say, there's always something. Kiotr
1. Chapter 1

I'm not meant to fly

I'm not that naïve

Men weren't meant to fly

With a cloud between their knees…

-Five for fighting

(**Ya ya… These characters belong to Marvel.. I wish they were mine.. CAN I KEEP THEM? Ehem. Anyway.. On with the story.**)

"_Merry Christmas sexy." _

The ghost floated before her, some small vestige of a time long since past. The boy was standing not ten feet away from her, and she longed to reach out and touch him. But another girl was standing there, strangely familiar and yet not at the same time. She envied the other girl, because for some unknown reason, she could touch this beautiful boy that was denied to her. Her, Kathrine Pryde. She had saved the world time and time again, but it was that other girl who kissed his cheek, blushing slightly.

_Peter.._

"_Don't touch me!"_ She screamed, fury taking over the very core of her soul. _"You touch me after what you let them do to our… Our son.."_

_Peter.. _

She was sorry that she had yelled at him, sorry that she had ever believed such a lie. Peter was the kindest, most trustworthy individual that she had ever known… And he held family above his own life. But no matter how sorry she was, she would wake some nights, screaming for a baby that she had never given birth too; crying out for the comfort of her son calling to her in the middle of the night, her need for consoling out weighing his. Then there were the nights where she wouldn't sleep. Those nights were the worst because no matter what she tried, she couldn't get the sound out of her head.

"_We mourn the lost of our friend and fellow x-man... Colossus. His sacrifice saved us.. Saved us all…."_

_Colossus.._

She always thought he was gorgeous, standing there with his skin shining. Light would always break over his shoulders and the side of his head first, casting dark shadows on the plains of his chest. If she concentrated, she could see the light rising and falling of his chest under the iron sheath, changing the slight dimensions that cut asymmetrical patterns into his already muscular silhouette. He was like some sort of personal Greek god, sent just for her to look at. Then he would turn to her and smile, the lines around his face outlining his full lips.

She always loved his arms best, only putting them second to his eyes. Both of them were so easy to melt into, and sometimes that was quite literal. He always kept her safe, no matter what they were doing.

"You have to know that if you're a clone or a robot or, yeah, a ghost or an alternate universe thingie I can deal.. But if you are some shapeshifter or illusionist who's just watching me twist I will kill you.. I will kill you with an axe so right away just prove it. Say something.. Show me something.."

It had been so real.. Looking at him doused in that red light. Feeling his face against her as he cried openly into her suit.

_But no, he was dead. It was all a lie.. _

#

Hank typed feverishly, sending an email with many spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. He had just received a message saying that a collogue of his had a possible cure for one of his comatose patients and dear friends. Now, all he could do was wait until the email was sent back with the written formula.

Waiting patiently wasn't an option anymore, and he occupied himself by walking in circles around Kitty's bed. Her face was so calm, and he wished that he could share some of her seeming peace. Without thinking about it, he grabbed her hand, squeezing it slightly.

"I'll find a way to wake you up." The furry mass promised her, rubbing his eyes to see if that would rid him of the fuzzy outline that was starting to creep across his vision. The odd tint to the lights in the infirmary gave him a terrible headache, and time didn't seem to make it better. Every day brought more disappointment, and he was worried that Peter was going to do something drastic if he didn't get a response from Kitty soon. The boy had checked up on her every day, doing nothing but sitting by her bed and taking up more room then the cramped quarters allowed. If he had had the heart too, the doctor would have told him to scram… Wolverine always seemed to take the burden upon himself when he came to visit, so Hank had never thought it necessary.

And, as if he had been called, Peter walked in.

#

Piotr opened the door slowly, hoping the slight creaking noise wouldn't damage the thick silence that radiated out from Hank. Neither of them had spoken much since Magnito had delivered Kitty to the mansion almost a quarter of a year ago, but the silence around Hank was thicker almost. Peter had been able to convince himself that everything was going to be alright, while the furry doctor had all the pressure of success or failure on his shoulders. That realization had hit him in a number of different ways. Part of him was sorry for the doctor, knowing that more pressure was the last thing he needed right now… But another (and slightly more aggressive part) of him was almost jealous of the time that was spent between doctor and patient.

Without thinking, he moved to his usual seat beside Kitty's bed and rested his head against her chest. It wasn't what he normally did, but it was more comforting, and he felt slightly peaceful for the first time in a while. Her heart beat was slow, but it was rhythmic and sounded something like the shells that he use to play with as a child, flowing steadily in and out of the heart that he adored. Her eyes where what he was missing the most. The way that they seemed to cut through him, even if he was made of metal, she had a way of piercing him to his soul. Not that it was that hard to find nowadays. Kitty had always teased him about wearing his feelings on his shirt, but compared to now, the old Piotr was a stone cold hard ass.

It was like he was always on the brink of exploding now. Ether that or he would grow cold as the metal that incased him, and he would seclude himself to the infirmary or Kitty's quarters. Somehow, the places soothed him when Logan would kick him out of his place next to her bed.

After a while, he realized that he had been there longer then he had memory of, and when he sat up his back and neck were sore and stiff. Something kept him still partially asleep and he guessed that he had been out for a few hours at least. Content to go back to sleep with Kitty, he only looked around when an excited noise came from Hank behind him. He had forgotten that the doctor was there.

"Um, Peter, I think it's time for you to leave."

The doctor's voice was strange.. Giddy almost.

"What did you find?" He asked, looking quizzically into Hanks now delighted face.

"I.. I think I have it."

"You have.. It?" Peter asked, still trying to grasp exactly what he was hearing.

"I have a way.. To wake her up."

It was like someone had hit him over the head with something hard and heavy. Nothing was working quite correctly..

"You have way to bring Katya back?" And then it clicked. The rock that had been keeping the gears of his brain locked was crushed and realization hit him again. This time, he was sure he was going to pass out.

#

The waved beat back and forth slowly in her mind, causing the sand under her to shift slightly every time that the water came closer to her. It was peaceful really, and for a moment she didn't care how she had gotten there. It was nice not to care, not to have to be the battle hardened x-man and calculate everything. She could just sit there, and enjoy the sound of the waves.

The only thing that made it more enjoyable was the feeling of a big, strong hand running down her arms and entwining with her fingers. Peter. Now she really didn't care where she was, how she got there, or how he got there. She opened her eyes slowly, taking in his mouth at first. Then, as she opened her eyes wider she started to stare down the contours of his face, finally looking at his eyes. God, she loved his eyes. They were blue pools of clear water that she could swim in forever if she wanted. All he had to do was look at her for her soul to melt into those eyes.

"Hallo." He murmured, squeezing her hand gently.

"Hi." She smiled up at him, wishing he would keep talking.

"I seem to have come across a question that I can not seem to answer.. You will help me?" He asked her, smiling back.

"Of course."

He leaned down, kissing her neck before whispering "Where have you been hiding all of my life?"

She could feel him smiling against her ear, his warm breath making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and her smile involuntarily. Kitty turned her head, trying to get into a position where she could kiss him. He obligingly moved, giving her enough room to look him in the eye.

When their lips met, it was like that night on the Brood holding cell. Like her first kiss, all over again. No matter how big he was, how scary he seemed to everyone else even when he wasn't Mr. metal man.. He always turned into a stuffed animal when she kissed him. He was soft and gentle, even when passion was forcing their teeth together. Coupled with the feeling of his hands on her back, her face, her hips; he managed to turn every nerve in her body into electrical wire, with a current surging threw them.

And it was always disappointing when he broke away.

"I miss you." She said, running a finger along his eyebrow.

"As I miss you Katya."

"Why did you leave me?" She whispered, watching as he smiled sadly.

"It was you who left me… To save the world." His last few words were punctuated with the crashing of the waves, and panic started to wash over her as she realized that Peter was fading.

"Don't leave me!" She cried, trying to grab his hand gain.

He was still smiling, even though she was now phasing through him without setting off her powers. "You have to wake up Lyu_bof_ … This is not real and you know it."

"I don't care. I don't fucking care! I can't live without you Peter.. I can't.."

"You can." His voice was fading now too.. "Wake up."

"Wake up.."

"Katya, wake up.."

The room was dark at first, and then all of a sudden it got bright, too bright to look at and she twitched to try to get away from it. Her body wouldn't move. She couldn't phase, she couldn't speak and she couldn't move more than to twitch. It should have scared her out of her mind, but the inability to think coherently kept most of her emotions away.

"Please wake up.."

"No." She whispered, finally getting her mouth to cooperate, "I have no more reason to live."

#

(As always, tell me what you think! :) Next chapter will be up soon.)


	2. Chapter 2: The mind is a terrible thing

(**These are all Marvels characters yadda yadda... I mean to make no profit from this, it's just for entertainment.**) 

^Do you agree that it's sad we have to do that? Anyway, AN: Feedback of any kind is always welcomed, and I promise, this will become cool soon... But! For now, just deal with the sappyness!

* * *

><p># <p>

"I have no more reason to live."

The words cut Peter deeper than he had ever been injured, and he had had some injuries. It was like she had used something, hot and cold, sharp and dull all at the same time to rip out his heart.

"You can not be meaning that Katya." He said, his voice barely masking the instant pain that she had caused him.

He searched her face, looking for something to tip him off to the lie she had just uttered. She couldn't have forgotten about him, not after the days and days he had spent not eating, not sleeping, just thinking about her. She couldn't have forgotten about him when almost every moment he was allowed he was there, sitting by her side.

"You can not be meaning that.." Peter repeated trying to make her believe him.

She moved again, moaning slightly as she did so. When he tried to touch her face she brushed him away, and after trying a few times he gave up, just starting hopelessly at her.

"Peter" She whispered, moving again.

"I'm here Katya, I'm here." His voice was getting gruffer. He'd be damned if he let himself cry in front of Hank, and if Logan walked in, his life would be as good as over. For all the emotions that man carried, tears weren't ever an option. Kitty had always cared about Logan.. There again, was that vicious stab of jealousy. It ripped threw him almost as painfully as Kitty's words did, but this time hot anger boiled over, cauterizing the wounds.

It was almost as if being angry at Logan made the hurt from Kitty less. Anger was always something he could fall back on to cool his nerves, if that ever made any since. He used it as salve, and it worked in ways that nothing else ever had… Except for Katya's kisses.

Thinking, but not at the same time, Peter leaned down, gently brushing his lips against hers in a desperate attempt to bring her back to him.

"I love you Katya." He whispered, not able to control the single tear that slid down his cheek, and landed in the corner of her mouth.

#

_I love you Katya…_

Was the last thing he said before disappearing completely. Someone was pulling him into the shadows of nothing while another force was pulling her into the infernal light. She didn't want to go towards the bright, whiteness that was quickly blinding her.

"I love you!" She screamed at him, hoping that he heard her. It wasn't fair. Her life had been just as dark as his was. If they were going to be dead, she should at least be able to stay with him, even if it meant staying in the dark. When she thought about it, the dark wasn't even that bad. It was cool, and comforting, and much better than the light that just seemed to keep getting brighter.

Well, she wasn't going to go out sitting around. Logan would kick her six ways from Sunday if he knew that she had given up without a fight. She kicked and struggled against her invisible bonds, all the while being pulled closer and closer and closer to that light..

The first breath was like being stuck underwater for an insane amount of time. It fills your lungs to a capacity that you never knew was possible. That overpowering feeling of need as your whole body fights to be saturated with oxygen. And then you wake, opening your eyes to a world that part of you had decided you were never going to see again. Next thing you notice are the objects stuck under your skin in various places, and you wonder how long they've been there. The last thing that you notice are the people around you.

_Peter. _

She smiled at him. So they did go to the same place. It didn't really matter where they were, Heaven or Hell, she didn't care.

#

Kitty opened her eyes and smiled at him, melting his heart and healing any trace of the wounds that her words left. She had to remember something, to be smiling at him like that.

"Katya.. Are you hearing me?" He asked, putting a hand on the side of her face, brushing the hair away from her eyes. Hank was hovering over his shoulder, and Peter could feel him holding his breath. They both were waiting, hoping that she would do something just to acknowledge their existence.

"Peter." It was faint, and for a second, he wasn't sure if she had even said anything. Grief had a way of keeping doubt in the front of your mind, even when it was creating the reality before you.

Of course, time waits for no one. Whenever it is most inconvenient, disaster will strike.

"Ok, we got a bit of a situation upstairs doc. Ya think you can get… Half pint?" Logan was cut off mid sentence by Kitty groaning again, her eyes flying open.

"It's gonna hit the earth!" She yelled, struggling against the hands that held her down.

"Hey hey, Kid, it's alright. Nothing's gonna hit us. We just have a slight problem with magnito upstairs.. Pete, doc, do something.. She's gonna hurt herself."

Peter was down at her ear, one hand holding both of hers down as he tried to sooth her. "Katya, there is no danger. That was nearly half year ago. You are safe." He murmured, keeping as steady a tone as he could.

No one paid the slightest attention to Hank as he moved around the bed and calmly put something into her IV, making her struggles less and less the longer this new drug was pumping through her veins.

"Peter." She wimpered, tears now spilling out and covering her face. "Where am I.. What.. What happened?"

"You are in the mansion. What is last thing you can remember?"

"Umm.. a big.. Bullet?" She asked wonderingly, as if it was too weird to be real.

"You remember the warring planet, yes?"

"Yes. Did I.. Is earth ok?"

"Da, Katya." He smiled again, completely ignoring Logan who was trying to get him to go help quell the slight case of world domination.

#

He wasn't dead. He couldn't be, because he was sitting right there with her, and she definitely wasn't dead.. Dead didn't hurt this much. His eyes were so hopeful, nearly over flowing with tears. But something was guarded, withheld. She could tell that some part of his soul was very close to dead from the look in his eyes. Something inside her thought that he deserved it, because he had done the same thing to her once.

_That's what it feels like to have someone die on you. _

As soon as she had thought it, she regretted it. Nothing, not even the feeling of self righteous justice was worth that look in his eyes. His eyes, which had always been her safe hiding place, were now flat, iced over from a winter that never blew over. All of the little expressions that each of the lines on his face held were gone, covered over by an ever present worry that had gouged itself deeper into his brow then she remembered. He was slimmer too, as if he hadn't been eating, or working out as much.. Maybe even both. She wanted to chide him for that, shake him for not taking care of himself. But who was she to judge? She had turned into an internal emotional wreck after Peter had died, only able to correctly phase again after she had returned from Russia.

Kitty put her hand on his face, moving slowly as only a person who's been in a coma can. She stretched her fingers out across his cheek, trying to touch as much of the skin between his eye and his jaw. He smiled into her hand, turning his face slightly so that he could kiss her palm. Logan was still yelling, but they happily ignored him. What did Magnito matter? What did any of it matter! He was there, and the longer she stayed calm, the more her memories seemed to come back, filling the void that she had had growing in her mental storage. Her hand moved slowly around to the back of his head, fingers working into his black hair. It was longer than she remembered, but she liked it, and made a mental note to make sure he kept it like that.

"I missed you." She said, still experimenting with her voice.

"Not as much as I have been missing you."

"Yes, I think I was." Kitty faltered slightly and elaborated "Missing you as much as you missed me I mean."

"No.. I am not thinking that is possible."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!" Her eye's lit up, watching his brighten as they fell into their favorite game of who was right.

"Nyet." Peter snickered slightly. "I'm bigger than you, witch means I win, yes?"

"Only if you kiss me." She countered.

And he did.


End file.
